Howard is in his Mom’s house. It’s three PM. Howard is listening to the album Open Up and Say… AHH! by Poison. Howard fucking loves this album. Howard doesn’t read a whole lot. Howard has never thought of interviewing anyone for www.thefanzine.com. Not even the Vietnam Vet who is a mechanic at the auto body shop in the part of Philadelphia where he lives. Howard has no idea what wwww.thefanzine.com is. Howard thinks “I need to get a real job.” Howard feels stupid and thinks “I know I’ll never do that.” Howard thinks “Someday I’ll get a real job, just like Vietnam Vet who is a mechanic at the auto body shop.” Howard feels stupid. He goes downstairs and eats salsa and Tostitos™ and watches six episodes of Most Extreme Elimination Challenge and then sleeps for ten hours.